


sittin' in your sweatshirt, crying in the backseat

by deanscassettetape



Category: Hockey RPF, Men's Hockey RPF, Washington Capitals - Fandom
Genre: Angst, Don't worry, Lots of Angst, M/M, Masturbation, Smut, Washington Capitals, WolfVerse, a/b/o dynamics, all that good stuff, background nicke/sasha, bradley 'rat' marchand is mentioned briefly, but then his braincells kick in, did i mention angst? cause shit, hockey boys being hockey boys, i'm sorry i'm like this, like take it easy :(, listen i have an inability to write porn without plot. there has to be a plot with my porn, mention of blood in chapter two, mentions of 1988, ok no more spoilers please read this and validate me, past tazer/oshbabe, t.j. is really hard on himself, teej takes care of him, there will be other hockey players mentioned briefly but they're not important, tom is kinda like >:/ in the beginning cause he's a himbo, tom's an alpha and teej is omega
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-01-29
Updated: 2020-07-21
Packaged: 2021-02-26 07:04:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,760
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22251172
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/deanscassettetape/pseuds/deanscassettetape
Summary: T.J. never thought he would have a mate, much less a soulbond. He didn't think anything of his closeness with Tom until Tom is blindsided into the boards and T.J. goes feral. The response causes both of them- and the people around them- to realize that there is something between the omega and the alpha. T.J. is afraid to submit to his feelings, and Tom... Tom wants to show T.J. the love he deserves.
Relationships: T.J. Oshie/Tom Wilson, Tom Wilson/T.J. Oshie
Comments: 16
Kudos: 74





	1. lavender silk

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T.J.'s got a lot of weight on his shoulders, so Nicke suggests he makes a nest.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> first things first: this is a work of fiction. nobody come for my ass, please!  
second: I have no idea where the idea for this fic came from but... well, here it is.  
Prepare for lots of angst and lots of smut.  
third: title comes from lana del rey's song "happiness is a butterfly"

T.J. was stressed. He hadn't been playing well for the past few games, and it made him extremely upset with himself. He was shutting down, and his teammates noticed. They were grateful that they had a three week home stand coming up so T.J. could make himself a nest, and that it would hopefully help him calm down. That's what Nicke advised him to do, at least. T.J. was smart enough to listen, and he knew that Nicke had more experience than he did. Nicke was also an omega, which made T.J. feel a bit more comfortable around him than he did the rest of the team.

However, the one thing that made T.J. roll his eyes (behind Nicke's back, of course) when it came to Nicke's advice, is that Nicke had a mate. He and Alex, the team's captain and an alpha, had mated within a year of playing together on the Capitals. Nicke and Alex shared a soulbond, and an incredibly strong one at that. T.J. had seen the effects of the soulbond- the good and the bad. He had seen how they treated and interacted with each other, and T.J. secretly wished for something like that. He knew (or, at least, strongly believed) that it just wasn't in the cards for him.

When the plane landed, T.J. spared glances at his teammates and tossed a goodbye over his shoulder as he made his way to the car waiting for him. He had to just be alone right now. He kept his bag on his lap, tapping over the zipper impatiently. He just wanted to get home and build his nest. He needed the warmth it provided and the comfort it wrapped him in. T.J.'s home was nowhere as extravagant as that of his teammates. The main floor had three bedrooms, a bathroom, a kitchen, and a living room. The basement held his washer and dryer and the attic held dusty boxes of memories. He didn't want a large home. The larger the house, the lonelier T.J. felt. This house was already a bit too big for him, but he was grateful for it.

Entering his home and locking the door, T.J. dropped his bag by the door, his shoes and jacket following. He walked towards his bedroom, grabbing his mattress and maneuvering it into the spare room. The room was fairly empty except for the curtains covering the window and the dresser in the corner, which held a number of blankets and things that had certain scents that always calmed T.J. down. He plopped the mattress right in the center of the room. He covered it in new sheets, crinkling his nose at the smell. He wasn't a fan of putting new sheets on his mattress, especially in his nest, but he would crowd the mattress with other things that made the linens abandon their own scent and pick up that of the t-shirts and sweatshirts that belonged to his teammates.

Speaking of t-shirts and sweatshirts, he made his way back to the front door, where he dropped his bag. He grabbed the strap, swinging it over his shoulder and heading back to the spare room with a slight pep in his step. When he entered the room, he placed the bag on the floor, unzipping it hastily. He pulled out the shirts and sweatshirts that some of his teammates had provided him with. Nicke had offered up a few of his shirts and sweatshirts, as did three of the team's omegas: Jakub, Carl, and Illya. Omegas were comforted by the scent of other omegas, and T.J. had asked those three for their help. T.J. wasn't a fan of asking for help, especially when it came to things like nesting or his heat. He was sure of his abilities to do it on his own. He didn't want help or pity or whatever the hell they thought about him and the fact that he didn't have a mate. Sure, it wasn't a big deal to most of them, but it was to T.J. He was _lonely_, goddammit. He wanted to be held and cared for and he didn't _want_ to go through another heat alone, but he didn't want to go through it with just anyone.

Shaking his head in an attempt to escape his thoughts, T.J. continued pulling shirts and sweatshirts out of his bag. T.J. had asked two of the team's alphas, Garnet and Braden, for one item each. T.J. wasn't a fan of putting the overwhelming alpha smell in his nest, as it did more to hinder the ache inside of his heart than help it. But he trusted Garnet and Braden, their scents providing comfort- given they weren't too strong. He got to the last of the nesting items, which happened to be a few athletic shirts, a sweatshirt, and a dress shirt. T.J. grasped the dress shirt and felt the material between his fingers, pressing his face into the lavender silk and inhaling deeply. These last few items were not ones that T.J. asked for, no. They were ones that he had begged Nicke to steal for him.

_"_ _Why don't you just ask him, T.J.? I'm sure he'll say yes." Nicke tried to reason with the omega, but T.J. just frantically shook his head. _

_"No, I don't want him to think anything weird of it. I.. I don't want to explain it." Nicke could see the way T.J. started to shake with nerves, and he sighed._

_ Nicke clapped his hand on T.J.'s shoulder. "I'll talk to him, Teej. Don't worry about it," Nicke reassured, "besides, it's nothing to be ashamed of. You and Tom are friends. He would be more than willing to help." _

_"Just don't tell him it's for me." _

_Nicke nodded, "I won't."_

T.J. was embarrassed to admit it, but Tom's smell was the most comforting thing that he had ever known. The alpha was eight years younger than T.J., but that didn't stop T.J. from being rendered absolutely helpless to Tom's scent. It was intoxicating. No amount of scent blocker could ever prevent T.J. from smelling Tom's scent, that's how powerful it was. 

T.J. started to arrange the shirts and sweatshirts the way he wanted them, always particular about his nest. When he was done, he curled up in the center, enveloped by the comforting scents of his teammates. He could feel some of his stress slipping off his shoulders already. Reaching a hand out, he felt around for Tom's silk shirt. Once he found it, he grasped it in his hand and pushed his face into it. 

As he drifted off to sleep, T.J. found himself forgetting that he didn't have a mate. Tom's scent pushed away the primal thoughts and feelings.

But what if Tom's scent wasn't 'pushing' those things away? 

What if Tom's scent was satiating the omega's desires?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I do not have an update schedule, I just ask those of you who are actually reading this to be patient.  
Thank you for reading!


	2. simply satisfying

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T.J. confides in Nicke and Braden; things get chippy against the Bruins.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a work of fiction. no harm/offense is intended.

The three days of nesting did wonders for T.J., and the team noticed. He was slowly returning to the T.J. that the team knew and loved. 

Practice on Monday morning was fun and light. The boys were as competitive as they always were, but there was an enjoyable air to it. Tom and T.J. were shoving each other into the boards jokingly, laughing as they did so. The two always goofed around, especially during their pre-game warm-ups.

If there was one collective thing that the team had missed while T.J. was down, it was his wild ass-smacking rampage. Before every game, T.J. runs around frantically, smacking his teammates on the ass with his stick. Tom is normally the only one who returns the gesture- and also offers his stick for T.J. to bite down on. To everyone, it's just 'guys being dudes'. It's just some weird warm-up routine that they had, and plenty of other guys on other teams had weird warm-up routines. So, to the outsider, it was just T.J. and Tom being T.J. and Tom.

When their names were grouped together, T.J. felt an odd rush through his body. The sound of Tom's name next to his own made his heart flutter. It was weird, and T.J. didn't understand it. There was something about it that was simply satisfying. It sent tingles throughout T.J.'s body, and he loved it. He loved how it felt. But he hated what it meant. 

T.J. couldn't afford to have feelings, whether it be a crush or an infatuation or whatever it was. Chances are, it was just because of how much he enjoyed Tom's scent. T.J. didn't want to think much of it, but he couldn't help but feel inclined to ask for help. 

A few hours after practice, T.J. met up with Nicke and Braden at a local coffee shop. He needed their advice, and he knew that they would spare him of judgement and sugarcoating. They were honest and open, and T.J. considered himself lucky to be their teammate.

"I don't know what's going on." T.J. admitted, circling his coffee mug on the table.

"What do you mean?" Braden asked.

"...I feel something. I think. Maybe it's just my emotions going haywire because I'm drawn to his scent, but..." T.J. trailed off, looking away from his teammates and towards the dark brown liquid in the ceramic mug, mentally scolding himself for trying to beat around the bush, "I think I have feelings for Tom." 

Nicke smiled softly, "Is that why you always have me sneak one of his dress shirts to you? Because the smell is slightly different than the generic sweat that we all give off? Because you like Tom's scent - and him - best?"

T.J. blushed, "Well first of all, Tom's sweat smells better than all of yours, so jot that down," Braden and Nicke chuckled, "and second of all... maybe? Mostly I ask because I'm too embarrassed to ask him myself."

"But why?" Nicke asked, "He won't be mad or weirded out. The other omegas on the team ask for that stuff all the time, hell, I ask Tom for shirts once in a while."

"I think I'm embarrassed because I like him. And I don't want him to know, or think anything more of it than he needs to. It's just... his smell. And him." T.J. explained. "It's the way he protects us, both on and off the ice. How much he trusts us all and how he makes sure we're alright and..." 

"Teej, do you think that you're feeling this way because you were nesting recently? Or has this been something you've had for a while?" Braden asked, leaning forward.

"...It's feelings I've had for a while. But I mean, come on, I'm never gonna get a mate, much less someone like Tom. Much, _much_ less- Tom himself." T.J. let out a sad laugh at the idea. He hated dwelling on it for too long, but he couldn't help but feel this way. Alone. Hurt. 

Any time in the past he had confessed his feelings, he had been rejected or ridiculed. He was embarrassed because his feelings had always been made a show of, and he couldn't deal with that anymore. T.J. just wanted someone to love him. He wanted a mate, and if he was lucky, maybe he'd end up having a soulbond. He knew the chances were slim but still, he wished. 

_Oh_, how he wished.

"T.J., don't say that," Braden chastised, "you can't know that for sure." 

"Why are you so negative about finding a mate?" Nicke inquired, "You always treat yourself with such little respect. You deserve better than that, T.J.," Nicke's voice was soft; borderline pitiful. It made Nicke sad to see his friend be so hard on himself. 

"Because," T.J. mumbled, refusing to make eye contact with them, "that's just... what I've always been told. People would reject me and tell me that I could never be their mate. They're right. I mean, who'd want to be my mate?" 

"Don't talk like that," Braden said, "don't be so hard on yourself T.J., please. You're a great person! There's someone out there."

T.J. scoffed, "Yeah, that's easy for you two to say. You've both already found your mates. You've been with them for a long time."

"That doesn't mean that we don't remember what it was like," Nicke reminded, "and Teej, it's hard. But part of the reason it's so hard is because you're being too hard on yourself."

"It's... it's whatever, guys. I just wanna know what to do." T.J. said, putting his head into his hands.

"Well, we can't make you do anything. But, my advice would be talking to Tom." Nicke suggested.

Braden nodded, "I agree. You should talk to him. Specifically because of how much his scent affects you." 

T.J. knew they had a point. He _should_ talk to Tom. 

But T.J. wasn't known for doing the things he should. 

*****

The game had been rough. The Capitals were in the lead by only one point, and the Bruins were fighting them every step of the way. There were five minutes left in the third period, and the Capitals had the power play advantage. T.J. was out of breath and his shift was almost over, but then it happened.

Brad Marchand laid a blindside hit on Tom, crushing him into the boards. T.J. watched the way that Tom's head hit the boards and the way his neck rolled. Tom went down, unmoving, a tiny bit of blood splattering on the ice. 

T.J. wasn't sure if he was entirely in control of himself. He remembers dropping his stick and his gloves, skating over to Marchand and ripping his helmet off. It all started to blur together after that. All he could hear was the sound of his own growling in his ears. T.J. began to punch and punch and punch and it wasn't until he was being pulled away by Braden and Garnet did he regain his sense of awareness. As his teammates held him back, his eyes focused on Tom. He could smell the change in Tom's scent and he could feel a throbbing in his own head, his eyes squinting to try and ease the pain. 

Brad was still on the ground, beady eyes watching T.J. with intensity. 

"The fuck was that for, Oshie?" 

T.J. gawked, "Like you don't fucking know." 

"I laid a hit on an alpha, so what? He'll recover." Brad shrugged, holding a hand up to his nose. 

T.J. mumbled something, then tried to lunge forward at Brad, who pushed himself backwards, before a teammate and a linesman came over to help Brad up and off the ice.

"Oshie, you're out," a referee barked, grabbing T.J. lightly by the arm, pulling him towards the hallway that would lead him to the locker room. 

"What about Marchand?" T.J. asked, clenching his bloody fists.

"He's got a game misconduct too, he'll be gone as well." 

As the arena watched both T.J. and Brad get ejected, along with watching Tom being helped off of the ice, Garnet and Braden shared a look. 

"Did he say...?" Garnet trailed off. 

Braden nodded, "Yep, he did. He sure as shit did." 

Tom, who was lying on the ice in pain, had missed most of the altercation. His hearing was fuzzy, feeling like he was climbing up a hill and his ears had not yet popped. And although he seemed to think he was hallucinating and hearing things, he heard one part of the exchange loud and clear.

_"I laid a hit on an alpha, so what? He'll recover." The voice belonged to Marchand. Prick._

_"He's my alpha." another voice growled, before making some attempt to go after Marchand._

Tom knew that voice. It was T.J.'s voice. 

That was the last he remembered before things got so fuzzy they went black.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you guys liked this chapter! I only have as far as chapter three completed and I want to finish a few more before I publish chapter three so it might be a little bit until the next update.


	3. colliding harshly

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Braden and Garnet confront T.J; T.J. visits Tom.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a work of fiction. no harm/offense intended  
any mistakes made are my own :) happy reading!

The medical staff came to the conclusion that Tom had whiplash and a concussion, and recovery time would be a total of six weeks. The first two weeks, T.J. stopped by Tom's house every other day to see how he was doing, along with texting him when he was cleared to look at screens.

The team noticed how T.J. would linger around Tom's locker, inhaling the absent alpha's scent. They didn't mention it to T.J., though. After what they had seen him do to Marchand, they weren't too sure if they wanted to risk it for themselves. 

However, they knew that they had to talk about it sooner rather than later. 

"Hey, Teej, can we talk to you for a minute?" 

T.J. turned away from his bag to see Garnet and Braden approaching him. He ran a hand through his hair, sitting down on the bench, "Hey, guys. What's up?"

"We... you said something, two weeks ago." Garnet started.

"You'll have to be more specific." T.J. said with a chuckle.

"After you fought Marchand. When you went to lunge at him again," Braden clarified, "do you remember what you said?"

T.J.'s demeanor changed slightly. His body language shifted and his voice had a rougher edge to it, "No, I don't. I just remember fighting him and then getting ejected. Why?" 

Even though they were the only three in the locker room, Garnet took a step closer.

"You... you said that Tom was _your_ alpha." 

T.J. let out a laugh, his brows furrowing at Garnet's words, "What? That's... no, you guys must have misheard me." 

The looks on Garny and Braden's faces remained serious, and T.J. stopped laughing. 

"We noticed the way that you dropped your head, like it was in pain," Braden continued, "but you didn't take any hits from Marchand. You were feeling Tom's pain, weren't you?"

T.J. shook his head, "No, you... you guys are just seeing things." 

"Teej, look, we know that... that you have feelings for Tom and we know that you've always thought you don't have a mate, much less a soulbond, but..." Garny trailed off, unsure of where to go. 

T.J. stood, grabbing the alpha's shirt collar and backing him up into the wall across from his bench, "Don't," he growled lowly, "don't even _suggest_ that to me."

Braden placed a hand on T.J.'s shoulder, "T.J., he's not doing it to be mean, we're telling you because we think you and Tom might have a soulbond. You wouldn't just say that he was your alpha for no reason, not even in a fit of anger. We're just trying to look out for you, T.J."

The tears that stung at the back of T.J.'s eyes burned salty. He would not stand here and listen to two alphas tell him that he was _soulbonded_ with someone, much less Tom. There is no way that Tom would be stuck with him, that's not how it was supposed to work. Why T.J.? 

T.J. shook his head, letting go of Garny's collar. 

"Sorry," he apologized, heading back over to his locker to finish gathering his things. 

Garny sighed, "It's okay, T.J., we just-"

T.J. zipped up his bag, turning around, "We're not talking about this anymore, okay? Not right now."

He shook his head, walking out of the locker room. He just couldn't listen to them talk like it wasn't a big deal. It _was_. To T.J., it was. They didn't understand why it was hard for him to wrap his head around the idea of having a soulbond, _or_ a mate- Jesus Christ, let alone both!

Not for him. Nobody would want him. 

That was ingrained in T.J.'s brain, it had been for years. He was not someone that people would waste their time with. He appreciated being able to privately swoon at Tom under the guise of being his teammate. He enjoyed the uncommon form of intimacy and he was not going to risk that just because a couple of alphas think they know everything. 

_No,_ T.J. told himself, _don't think that way. Holtby and Hath are just trying to help. _

But, to T.J., it felt like they were doing more hurting than helping.

*****

T.J. knocked on the large oak door, bouncing nervously on the balls of his feet. When he asked Tom if there was anything he needed, the alpha was quick to respond with a request for Chinese food. 

** _Pick up something for yourself, too.  
_ ** _ **Stay a while. I could use the company.** _

_You got it! See you in thirty._

T.J. felt his heartbeat quicken at the thought of being alone with Tom. Sure, he'd been alone with Tom before, _plenty_ of times. However, today's conversation with Braden and Garnet had put T.J. on edge. But Tom wanted company and T.J. wasn't going to say no. 

So here T.J. was, knocking on Tom's door, holding a bag of takeout. It smelled delicious and T.J. was absolutely consumed by it, until Tom opened the door and T.J. was instantly consumed by the scent of the alpha in front of him.

"Hey, Osh."

"Hey, Tom. How's the head?" 

Tom stepped aside, letting T.J. come inside. 

"It's doing good. Concussion's supposedly gone by now; whiplash isn't too bad. Just hate the fact that recovery time is five fucking weeks." 

T.J. slipped off his shoes, nodding, "Yeah, seems a little long. They wanna be careful, though. I see why."

Tom shrugged, "Still sucks that I can't play." 

"We miss having you around. I'm sure you'll be up in the press box soon." T.J. said, offering an encouraging smile. 

_I miss having you around_, T.J. thought.

"I miss being around you guys. They said that I should be cleared to be in the press box for the next game. Just excited to be back with the boys." Tom said. 

He took the bag from T.J., leading the way into his kitchen. T.J. followed, inhaling all the scents that made Tom, _Tom_.

As Tom started to pull out the takeout boxes, T.J. got the silverware out from the drawers, also pulling two cups down from the cupboard. 

"Thanks for checking in on me," Tom broke the silence, not looking up from what he was doing.

T.J., on the other hand, paused, a soft grin covering his face, "Of course, Tom. You've thanked me enough, it's not a big deal."

"And.. thanks for sticking up for me. After, you know..." Tom trailed off, but T.J. knew what he was referring to. The omega's cheeks started to turn red at the recollection of his outburst.

"He shouldn't have done that to you, and now he knows not to do it ever again." T.J. said with a shrug, heading towards the refrigerator to get out the lemonade. He poured a glass for both himself and Tom, placing one glass in front of his teammate, who had fallen silent and paused his work.

"Tom? Is everything alright?" T.J. asked. 

"You..." Tom was unsure how to start, "you... I heard you say something, on the ice, when I was down. At least, I think I did." 

T.J. froze, his body language becoming tense and defensive. Garnet and Braden's words from earlier in the day echoed through his head.

"Oh, uh, what... what did I say?" 

Tom cleared his throat, "You said that I was your alpha." 

_Shit._

"Are- are you sure?" T.J. stuttered over his words, doing a poor attempt to play oblivious, "Maybe you just heard something?"

"No," Tom shook his head, "you said it. I- I heard you. I could smell the protectiveness rolling off of you." 

T.J. kept his gaze away from Tom, his mouth closed. 

What was he supposed to say? What could he possibly say to explain himself?

"Tom, look, I was really angry and I had just gotten through with that short nesting stint, so I mean it was probably just-" 

Tom cut him off, "T.J., could you feel my pain? Feel my concussion or the pain in my neck?" 

"What?" T.J.'s voice was a little higher than he anticipated, "Tom, I don't think you know what you're talking about, you must have misheard me-"

"Why do you always do this?" Tom questioned, gaze narrowing, "Rolling in on yourself when somebody could potentially want you?"

T.J. shook his head, taking a few steps backwards, "Tom, we shouldn't- I think you've got the wrong idea or maybe have me confused with someone. I'm not- you don't want me- you don't know what you're saying, I-"

T.J.'s incoherent rambling was cut off by Tom's hand colliding harshly with the granite counter top of the kitchen island, "Stop telling me that I don't know what I'm talking about, T.J.!"

The omega took a few more steps away from Tom, eyes still downcast. T.J. could feel Tom's gaze just burning into him, and he was scared to meet eyes with the alpha.

"You nested recently. Nicke asked for a few shirts of mine and I know for a fact that he took more than just some of my workout gear. It wasn't for him, was it?" Tom pressed, walking around the kitchen island and making his was towards T.J., who was backing away from the kitchen and preparing to bolt for the door. 

"You always have my back. Coming over here almost every goddamn day and making sure I'm still breathing," Tom continued his interrogation, his determination to get the truth outweighing the part of his brain that could smell the fear that was rolling off of T.J. in what was practically tsunami waves, "and why is that, Osh? Why are you so worried about me? Why are you lingering around my locker while I'm gone? And why do you keep trying to tell me that I don't know what I want?" 

The last question was asked in a raspy tone, and T.J. noticed a look in Tom's eyes that he had never seen before.

Correction, a look that T.J. had never seen directed at _him_ before.

The two were staring intensely at one another, neither making any movement. 

The sound of Tom's phone buzzing snapped them out of their contest, giving T.J. the opportunity to grab his shoes and throw open the door to Tom's house, running for his car and getting in and instantly backing out of the driveway. 

Tom didn't notice T.J.'s disappearing act until he heard the car start, causing the alpha to whip around and in the direction of his wide-open front door. 

_Fuck_, Tom thought. 

It was only after he shut the large oak door and leaned against it that he finally caught T.J.'s lingering scent: absolute terror.


	4. like always

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> T.J. goes to Sasha.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a work of pure fiction.  
unbeta'd, so any mistakes made are mine  
enjoy!

Alex was in the kitchen, slicing up some carrots when there was a frantic knocking at his front door. Placing the knife down on the cutting board, he made his way to the front of the house, the knocking getting louder and more frantic the closer he got. When he reached the door, he pulled it open, leaving only the screen door between him and the person on the other side. 

"T.J.," Alex's eyebrows furrowed as he felt his alpha instincts take over. He pushed the screen door open, placing a hand on T.J.'s trembling shoulder and gently guiding him inside, "what happen?"

T.J. sniffled, and it was then that Alex saw the absolute distress in the omega's eyes. T.J.'s cheeks were stained with tears, the tip of his nose red. Alex did a sweep of his teammate, taking in his shaky figure and his scent: worry, discomfort, and fright. He also noticed T.J.'s sock-clad feet.

"Where are your shoes, золотистый?" Alex had a soft smile on his face, but he had concern in his eyes. He had never seen T.J. in this state before. Whatever happened obviously made an impact, and Alex was not sure whether or not T.J. wanted to show him the wound. 

"Passenger seat." T.J. answered monotonously. He sounded far away, like he was rewinding a VHS tape in his head. 

"Let's get you on couch, okay? You no look too good." Alex's touch was soft as he led T.J. over to the khaki-colored couch.

T.J. let gravity pull him down onto the couch, and he leaned into the corner, wrapping his arms around himself and angling his body away from Alex. T.J. was upset, hurt. The omega was trying to protect himself. 

Alex sat down on the other end of the couch, giving T.J. space. 

"T.J., would you like to tell what happen?" Alex asked, his voice calm. 

Alex watched as T.J. replayed the incident in his head, the realization of fear crossing the omega's face. T.J. shook his head, letting out a whimper. 

"Okay, let's start small," Alex said, leaning forward so his elbows rested on his knees, body turned towards T.J., "why you no wear any shoes?"

T.J.'s mouth opened, his jaw trembling a little, "I didn't have time to put them on. I grabbed them and ran."

"Good, плавность, good. Can you tell me, where you run from?"

"Tom's house." T.J. answered. 

"Alright. Why run from Tom's house?"

T.J. sighed shakily, and Alex just offered a small smile, "Take your time, плавность, no rush." 

T.J. was trying to piece it together in his head, but it all just jumbled together. That's the way it wanted to be told. 

"I have this thing for Tom. I really, really like him. I might love him. I don't know. But I've been pushing those thoughts and feelings away for obvious reasons. Tom.. Tom heard me call him my alpha when Marchand hit him, and I'm pretty sure Garny and Braden told him about me not wanting to listen to their whole 'soulbond' spiel. I've been going over to Tom's a lot since he's been injured, bringing him dinner and providing him with company. Today he just... interrogated me. About everything. And I ran. Tom- Tom doesn't know what he's talking about. He doesn't know... he's not... he's probably still concussed," T.J. shook his head, running his fingers through his hair, "I mean, I don't get a soulbond. Or a mate. I'm the one who goes it alone. Who babysits and parties and goes home alone. Tom can't be stuck with me. That's not fair. That's not- he can't- besides, where did he get the whole 'I-have-feelings-for-him' thing from? I know Garny and Braden couldn't keep their goddamn alpha mouths shut, and it was probably those motherfuckers, goddammit. Fuck. _Fuck_." 

T.J. was taking shallow breaths, trying to come to terms with it all. His mind was racing. What would this do to the team's chemistry on-ice? What would it do to his relationships with Braden and Garnet and Tom? How could he look Tom in the eyes again? How could he even be in the same room as Tom? 

"золотистый, why you think you don't get mate? Or soulbond?" Alex questioned, "Why you think Tom would be 'stuck' with you?"

"Because it's the truth." T.J. stated.

Alex shook his head, "No, it not."

"It's what I've always been told, alright? It is. I'm not good enough. I'm not worth it. I'm too much trouble," T.J. said, swallowing the lump in his throat, "Tom deserves better than the burden that I am." 

Alex let out a low growl, "Bullshit, all of it."

T.J. shrugged, "It's the truth." 

"No, it not!" 

"Yes, it is!" T.J. cried, "It's all I've ever been told. From my teenage years when I first presented, to college, to now. The people who promised to love me and take care of me just took advantage of me and used me. I wanted _so badly_ to be somebody's. I'd preen at the touch of anyone. I was so desperate for love and affection and for someone to tell me what I'm worth and how valuable I am to them. All I ever was to any of them was an easy fuck and a warm body. That's all I have ever been. I have been used and lied to and told that I'm not enough for someone to love. I'm too much. I'm too intense and passionate. Too clingy. Too annoying. Tom... Tom will _not_ be stuck with me. He deserves better."

Alex moved a bit closer to the omega, "Whoever said that is lying piece of shit. I will kill if I get my hands on. That not true, T.J., not at all." 

T.J. sniffled, "You're the captain, you're obligated to say that."

Alex sighed in frustration, "No I not! If you play like shit, I tell you. If you play well, I tell you. I will not lie to you, T.J. You know that." 

"You're right," T.J. was quiet, "but you... you have Nicke. Nicke's wonderful. He's the perfect partner." 

Alex snorted, "He pain in my ass. But I love him." 

"Exactly, you love him," T.J. said, "nobody loves me. They never have." 

"T.J., listen to me, you are loved. Your mate, it seems like you already found. You have to know, the right mate, the soulbond, they will not be embarrassed. They will not take advantage. They will not use and discard. They will cherish. Because you deserve to be cherished. Do not think any less." 

Alex's tone was soft but firm; a solitary tear dripped down T.J.'s face.

"Thank you, Sasha," he mumbled, standing up, "I... I should go. See you at practice tomorrow." 

T.J. was out the door before Alex could even say goodbye.

*****

T.J's phone had been blowing up with texts. 

From Garnet:

_Hey, Osh. I know that you don't want to talk about it but we just want to be here for you.  
Tom really does care about you and you obviously care for him.  
He told us what happened, where are you, man?  
You're not at your house. I hope you're safe._

From Braden:

_Please, T.J., don't be mad. I may have overstepped when I told Tom you were lingering by his locker.  
_ _You're just so hard on yourself, and it's not true.   
I don't want you to think that we're messing with you. We care about you._

From Tom:

_T.J., where did you go? _  
_I can feel how upset you are, please talk to me._  
_You're not home, I just knocked. No lights are on._  
_Please, Teej, I want to talk_.   
_I do care about you.  
Fuck, this affects me too. Please say something. Talk to me._

T.J. was not in the mood to talk to anyone. Once he returned home, he shut his phone off, tossing it on the coffee table in his living room. He moved to the spare room where his nest was, gathering all of Braden and Garnet's things and putting them into large garbage bags. In fact, he grabbed anything that had even the slightest hint of an alpha's scent on it, placing it in the large bags and tying them off, throwing them in his garage. His nest was supposed to be a place for him to feel safe and secure; the alpha scent was irritating him. 

He grabbed some shirts that belonged to Nicke, Jakub, Siegs, and some of the other omegas on the team, spreading them around the nest. He wanted every goddamn alpha scent to be eradicated from his nesting room; from his home. Everything he could find that had the scent of an omega attached to it was draped around the room. 

After he spent a while in the room, calming his senses, he decided to go take a shower and then go to bed. 

As he began to strip, he felt the odd feeling of being observed. He felt like he wasn't alone, but he was. 

Nicke once told him that in the beginning, the soulbond feels like an invasion of privacy. You're sharing your feelings and emotions with your soulbond and you can always put up a wall so they can't have access. 

It felt like Tom was knocking at the door of his brain, begging to be let in. He could feel Tom's concern and his... arousal?

_Fuck._

T.J. built up that block quickly, and he no longer felt like he was being invaded. However, the wave of arousal that washed over him was quick to get to work. 

Stepping into the shower, he turned on the water. T.J. leaned against the wall, facing the shower head. He watched the water cascade onto the floor and fall down the drain, and he wished - oh, how he wished - to be washed away with it. 

His thoughts of disappearing were pushed away from his mind, when his cock twitched and caught his attention. The wave of arousal he had felt from Tom definitely left an impression on him. 

He grasped his cock with his right hand, slowly beginning to jerk himself off. He tried to think of anything, anything but Tom- but it proved to be no use. All he saw was Tom. Tom's eyes, Tom's beard, Tom's broad shoulders and strong chest, Tom's smile, Tom's hands.... 

Each thought of Tom caused his hand to speed up and his wrist to move in time, and a few minutes later, T.J. came with a soft cry. 

His subconscious chose that moment to remind him of his biological calendar, and the fact that his heat was rapidly approaching. 

_Fuck._

T.J. despised his heat for the same reason he despised his king-sized mattress: he had nobody to be in it with. Sure, T.J. had dealt with his heats on his own plenty of times. But it didn't hurt any less to be reminded that there was nobody there with him. Nobody was there to hold on to him and murmur soft praises in his ear as he orgasmed. 

It would just be T.J., alone.

Like always.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> золотистый means "golden" in russian. t.j. reminds me a lot of a golden retriever puppy, and i feel like ovi would see him the same way.  
плавность means "flow". ovi has a few nicknames for t.j., okay?!?!?


	5. knew, felt

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Nicke and T.J. talk; T.J. reaches out to another alpha and a past love.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> this is a work of fiction, no harm or offense is intended  
this chapter is a bit shorter than normal, and i apologize. i wanted to make it longer but i also really liked it the way it is.  
unbeta'd, any mistakes are my own!  
enjoy!

"T.J.", Nicke said, approaching the omega's locker.

T.J. looked up from the bag he was packing, pushing his hair out of his face, "Hey, Nicke."

Nicke stepped closer, lowering his voice, "Sasha told me. About the visit to the house and what happened with Tom." 

"Oh," T.J. tensed, "did he.. tell anyone else?"

"No," Nicke scoffed, "he would never. He only told me because he knows you are more comfortable with omegas than alphas. Also, I've noticed how you've been avoiding Hath and Holtby like they have the plague."

T.J. growled lowly, "They had no right talking to Tom and telling him fuck all. No right." 

"T.J., I know. What they did was wrong, but they did it because they care-" 

"That's no excuse. I don't go around telling people their business. I don't eagle eye them and then report back to Big Brother. I'm... I feel violated. I feel betrayed, and not just by them. Tom's using the fuckin' soulbond thing to feel my emotions and it feels like I'm being surveyed and shit. I hate it." 

Nicke sighed, "T.J., would it really be so bad if you let Tom in? If you maybe talked to him about this?" 

"Yes!" T.J. exclaimed. "It would. I can't... I can't just let him in. I don't work that way."

"Talk to him, please," Nicke said, "you and I both know that this tension is going to hurt your relationship and your interactions and yourselves."

"I'm a big boy, Nicke. I can handle it." T.J. said with a scoff.

"You think Tom can?" Nicke questioned, catching T.J. off guard.

"What do you mean by that?" T.J. asked.

"Tom likes you, T.J., and I mean _really_ likes you. Freezing him out, avoiding him, whatever, it's not good for either of you. When soulbonds treat each other like this, it doesn't go over too well. The hatred and confusion turns on the bond and it causes extra stress and strain on your bodies. The bond's effects turn physical," Nicke explained, "and have you ever considered giving Tom a chance? I don't think that you know what Tom wants. What really goes on in that large head of his. Talk to him, please. It's important that you do." 

T.J. sighed, "Look, I'll think about it. I don't want to cause any pain but... this whole situation is weird. It's weird for me to feel so absolutely drawn to someone. I don't understand it." 

Nicke chuckled, "It's always like that when you first discover the bond. I was like that with Sasha. I always looked for him, always paid attention to him, always found myself next to him, sometimes even against my will. My instincts took over and lead me to where I belong: right by the side of my mate, my soulbond." 

"Is it scary? Being so fully... known by someone?" T.J. asked.

"At first," Nicke admitted, "I felt so vulnerable and bare. But the thing is... with a soulbond, that person will not use that against you. They respond with being just as open and vulnerable. Of course, you have to be willing to be that vulnerable. And it was scary. Sasha and I were so young... all we had was each other. But it was right... we knew it. We felt it." 

"I think.. I think I'm scared," T.J. said, chuckling to himself, "fuck, I know I'm scared. Tom deserves better than me." 

Nicke shook his head, "The only person who deserves better is you. You deserve better than always underselling and loathing yourself. T.J., you're a fucking catch. Not to mention the fact that Tom's wanted you for ages."

T.J. snorted, "Funny, Nicke." 

"You're so stubborn, you know that?" Nicke said with a laugh, "You and Tom are gonna have a hell of a time together."

And for a moment, T.J. let himself entertain that idea.

"Yeah, maybe we will."

  
*******

T.J. arrives home from practice, and drops his bags at the door. He sheds his clothes as he makes his way towards his bedroom, leaving his boxers on. After he discards his pants in the hallway, he pulls his phone out of the pocket and keeps it in his grasp until he enters his bedroom.   
  


When he enters, he tosses the phone onto his bed. He goes into his closet, looking for a specific article of clothing: an grey UND hoodie that had the name _Toews_ on the back.   
  


T.J. slides it on over his head, exiting the closet. He slides into bed, settling under the covers as he tosses his hand out, searching the blankets for his phone.   
  


Once it is secure in his hand, he unlocks it and goes to his contacts, dialing the number of the one alpha who has never hurt him or let him down.   
  


“Hello?”   
  


T.J. sighs shakily, “Jonny? I’m sorry to bother you, I just- I needed to hear your voice.”   
  


T.J.’s voice is small and broken and Jon can tell that T.J. is hurting, “Teej, what’s wrong?”   
  


“I think I’m in love with Tom, and I think he’s my soulbond, and I’m terrified.” T.J. says, pulling the hood of the sweatshirt up over his head, “Jon, I’m scared. This is a new feeling to me and I have no clue what to do. I don’t- I don’t know how relationships work. I don’t- I don’t know how that stuff works. Being a partner. I have nothing.”   
  


Jon shakes his head, “Teej, listen to me, babe, okay? You remember what I told you? Back in college? When we were together?”   
  


“You said that... that my soulbond would love me even more than you loved me. And I always said it wasn’t possible, because you were the best thing that happened to me,” T.J. answers, his mind drifting back to the days he and Jonny were cuddled up in his dorm room, languidly making out and groping each other under the covers, “Jon, you... you were the only person who loved me and showed me what real love was like.”   
  


“You know what you deserve, T.J., and if you’ve forgotten I’ll book a flight to D.C. and remind you how you should be cherished and loved.” Jon says, a threatening tone to his voice.   
  


T.J. feels his cheeks turn red, and he chuckles, “I don’t think Kaner would like that very much.”   
  


Jon laughs, but he gets serious once more, “You know what you deserve T.J., and you know your soulbond will give you more than I ever did. So why are you scared?”   
  


“I... I guess it’s weird receiving that sort of love from anyone who isn’t you,” T.J. confesses, “it’s hard to believe that there are other people who cared for me the way that you did...” 

“Teej...” Jon sighs, “I love you. I always will. But you can’t be afraid to let people love you. You can’t keep thinking that your soulbond isn’t out there. Obviously, it’s Tom. Don’t push him away, okay?”   
  


“You know, I really thought that you were my soulbond, Jon. And then you met Kaner and I was so crushed because I thought you were it for me. It took me a while to realize that if we were soulbonded, we would know. I had to let you go and let myself be vulnerable and now that I’ve done that, I have to allow myself to be open to Tom. Because it’s not fair for me to just... snuff out a flame before I even give it a chance,” T.J. pauses, huffing out a laugh, “not like I could snuff out a soulbond, anyways.”

”Give Tom a chance, Teej.” Jon advises.   
  


“But what if he doesn’t love me like you did?” T.J. asks, feeling tears well up in his eyes.   
  


“He won’t,” Jon answers, “he’ll love you so much better.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay, chapters will be longer than this, i promise! i just really wanted to have this short little section and show how important the connection between nicke and teej is.  
I also wanted to highlight the importance of Jon and T.J.’s connection  
thank you for reading!


End file.
